*Have I Told You Lately*

Dearest all who read. I love you. [I suspect you don't exist but at least I won't get a non lovely reply] I really have been...not so busy and just really horrible with documenting my thoughts and feelings. As you probably know I can only do that when I have something on my mind or a really horrid feeling going on my heart [I suspect it's a emotional heart problem not one involving my really shitty health] agh well. It's heavily unlikely that I am healthy person [heavily was supposed to be a joked aimed at me by me you may laugh now] Right now, I've got a quite a lot on my plate and I hope you enjoy reading about other peoples' stuff. Okay. Right. I'm always very sad when I think about things [or people] I can't have. It's sad because i love them- yet they will never know-- worse is when I'll never get the chance to show it. I love dogs; their simultaneous yet contradicting characteristic of being really vicious and really cute at the same time is a real killer for my dog-related feels [hyphens don't make sense to me yet, ironically, it 'made sense' to put one here] right okay haha moving on.... Dogs. Yes, dogs. They are so great. Love dogs. But I can't have them, [I'm a Muslim, for those of you who wonder why I can't have dogs] I really do love them, and think I am capable of taking care of them. But alas, I am not allowed to. It's all right really, I can always pretend I'm cuddling one. A GREAT BIG GERMAN SHEPHERD IS WHAT I LIKE. Ah well. So thats the tip of the problem covered iceberg which did not sink the titanic [as people quickly relate 'iceberg' to the image of the titanic sinking and possibly jack and rose; I felt the need to make my iceberg really special] I could go on all day on how I love dogs and other pets [I'm not allowed to have any, really. Thats an issue I currently debate with my parents on] But I must stop, its an obsession and I must kill it. Put it to sleep. Euthanise. Okay thats enough. Haha. I feel the need to begin with a sound as I am very awkward and it almost seems like I need a reason for me to speak okay-- no. I have just started to begin driving around my neighbourhood after getting my probationary license for about 3 weeks or so. I've not used it much though I half-heartedly want to. I've got no reason to drive around mainly because my adventures in life are mainly conducted in my bedroom, on my laptop, severely investing my time on a tv series. Grrreeeat. Not much of a socialising being, me. Anyway so yeah thats it about my driving and the fact that my parents don't really trust me much with the car [or my life when I'm driving] Must say I don't really love it either. *Siiiiiigh* I've been at my A-Levels for quite some time now and as some of you may know the AS examinations are looming over us. I suspect I shall be academically defrocked as soon as I open the the paper to reveal a girl who is still reading the textbook hoping to understand things before it's too late. I'm rather terrified; which is quite normal and expected of most students. But honestly, I feel like it's not really coming. Its as though I have all the time in the world and I am intellectually capable of understanding everything in less than 3 weeks. It's a terrible illusion and I am in constant fear that I don't do well because of my rosy view on things like these. I think quite a lot about the probable future and it's honestly that bad that I do, it's just that I do it in excess and I suspect it's doing no good to my education. I want to go to the UK with [hopefully] the aid of a university scholarship. I need at least 3 A's [Straight A's in my case] to even think; about applying to any university. It saddens me quite a lot that if I don't get the scholarship; I might not be able to go to university in the UK. Well there are twinning programs but they're not exactly the real deal are they? So I aim to be better everyday and I aim to follow the first aim. Better in every sense of the word. Healthier, Nicer, less pissy about everything and more importantly hardworking. Haaaaah. It all seems to be so achievable. Hmm. We'll only find out when i try all of those things soon and with a whole understanding of my dreams.