Alright, I'm no innocent little angel of a daughter. No one is (silently suffering, if they do exist) I've only known a few and they're the ones who don't talk (not mute, just too bloody obedient and subservient to ever say anything) not that they've been oppressed (I'll just never know really) but if that is the kind of daughter my parents would sell the car for, then fine. I'll shut up and listen to you, as if you're always right. Nobody ever is. Yet, you do not admit your mistakes, you just say 'it didn't work out as I thought it would' well goody-- that just solves everything. Honestly. I'm just stumped and confused and yes, Underdemiciated. This is from bedtime stories (the one with Adam sandler and Russell brand; he's got sleep panic disorder there) and its not a real word. I just felt like saying it. I do loads of things to help out, and nobody seems to see or even thank me. The second I don't, is the second I get nagged at. Brrrrilliant. When my other siblings walk away from chores, they get nothing. what the f*#%. This is just one of the many reason I want to be away.
Our house is tiny. 4 rooms, 7 people. Our housekeeper has one to herself. One's my parents and the other two are shared between my sisters and I. Right, so sharing is all about being considerate right? Especially if its personal space. I am a neat person (most of the time) and I tend to have OCD spells, where I go insane and start cleaning up. My sisters are lazy, messy and just plain slobs. I pick up the slack. Not fair; not even one bit. One has strong hoarder signs. Well, I tell them (parents) to install more shelves so we have more space. I need shelves to be lowered as well because I am a human hobbit for Gods sake not because I'm bloody expensive and I can't bloody improvise with life's bloody challenges. My dad is alright with this, but no it's mummy dearest. 'You only know how to spend money, you're so demanding, you're so whiny, you're never satisfied with anything we give you' and I sorely wanted to reply, 'yeah you gave me life and I'm not too happy about it and I'm sure neither are you so I'll gladly f*** the hell off of your lives. So, as result, I am made into a ball of insecurities and things that don't belong to a person who tells people she's happy. Thinking of the less fortunate doesn't always make me feel better. It doesn't make my challenges disappear neither does it make theirs. So, am I supposed to feel sorry? Yes, I indeed do. Learning is a gift not many appreciate as a beneficial challenge at present. I hope people can learn and not be in wars and conflicts where people in nice chairs and rooms debate and fight while sipping nice coffee, while the uninvolved innocent people pay the price. So yeah. I try to boil it down to the bare facts and the core of the problem and solve it. But it's not always that systematic and automatic. You do stay angry for a few moments and eventually it dies and you can think again. I just want to be happy. Things don't seem to work out too often for me to think positively. *sighs* well. Night x
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