The excitement is gone

So, Paris has been on my mind for quite some time. The prospects of me going there instead of the UK has been a happy and easy transition. Though the thought of never getting to experience London as a student is dawning on me, and its a lot more taxing than I expected. Like right now, I'm not even as excited as before, but I guess excitement usually boils down to the core essentials. Like responsibilities, and taxes and of course the long road to my decision on a course. Sometimes I just wish things could go as planned and expected. Now, how often does that happen? Almost never except in horrible stupid teen movies where everyones hair is unnaturally perfect though made look so natural, bad fake tans seem run of the mill. On Paris, my excitement and anticipation is gone and I'm just waiting for it to happen. Or a miracle to happen where I get to go to the Sarah Lawrence College or anywhere in the UK. Purposely to only meet Ed Sheeran and One Direction, and of course get a kick ass degree at a kick ass college. Naturally all these colleges breathe and suck money so its pretty much an impossible task for me to get in let alone afford. Getting in I don't have as much worries because I know I can and will work for it. Affording an American education at a private college is crazy. Even Americans find it expensive. And scholarships aren't easily obtained-- so where do I stand in getting a great education? The currency is also a twat, I don't blame my wonderful country, I only blame my parents for not meeting earlier in the UK. So, damn. Its an awkward situation. So here are my particulars. - Education-wise I'm basically a little above average and I'm not some bright luminous flame in a sea of candles, so a scholarship to a good university unfortunately isn't likely. - Money- wise, I'm not the wealthiest bitch around town and I cant buy my way in a school It's at that point where I deserve to go to college, because I have so much 'potential' but not enough pazazz or gumption to get in. Like even if I don't, its not a major deal. But if I do, people will be like 'Oh yeah, she's college material.' said most people while sipping on a drink, casually making a comment about my entering college. So, I'm an underrated underdog. Well thats just brilliant. Mind you, this is all in my head, but I tend to be right about these things. I'm naturally hard on myself when people compliment me. So, I guess I'm not and underrated underdog? Ugh well am or am not, I cant seem to care anymore, (that's a lie) and I wish to be noticed. (not a lie, neither a beacon of truth) But I assume, I will change my mind again.