Of You and I

I stand alone

At the cliff of my world's end

The waves thrash against rocks

As sharp as your wit 

As misleading as the lies I loved

I lean back because I know better

I do not want to meet my end.

But, beneath the waves,

Your face glimmers beneath it

Your arms are wide and they are open

Someone to catch me

When I fall

My poor heart fills with all that is heavenly 

My young mind dances to the thought

Of You and I.

As I fall faster and further to you,

I see that my poor heart has been deceived.

It will always be quick to believe you

And your lies

That I cannot help;

But at least now,

It will not believe anything anymore.

Dreaming When You're Down

It is almost like a cure to a wound, 

or a painkiller to counter the brief agony Dreaming when you're down. 

You don't necessarily intend to live the dream; 

but the knowledge that a better future awaits 

seems so comforting. 

An amalgamation of the wonderful

but impossible turn of events. 

The dream hugs you 

and strokes you on your withered back, touches you on your tear-stained cheek.     Then it tells you,

with its soft fingers

caressing your chin,

'It's a beautiful dream you dreamt' 

and nothing else. 

What else can you get when you dream a dream that cannot be lived?

An old lover coming round the bend with-Roses! In his hands and an apology! 

in his-- teary eyes? 

But what next? 

It's sadness 

for the happiness you've never got

Though for some

Once was one time too much

And you, retreated into the darkness

Into the dream you dreamt

And I, the lonely heart am left 

In your darkness

In the dream you dreamt. 

Carra, The Enterprise and a half done economics paper

Right, so the title pretty much sums up my whole day. Also, interesting fact... The power was out! From about 10.30 to about 3.30 the power was out and it was driving me out of my mind. Lucky for us, it wasn't too hot! 

Today, Jamie Carragher plays his last match for Liverpool. I was rather emotional at the start. I mean, I watched him growing up. He was always there, making scoring a goal difficult for strikers. Liverpool without him is almost like Manchester United without Sir Alex. I would compare Carra to Bill Shankly, but frankly I wouldn't know. I certainly wasn't around for Shankly's reign. Though, he's one awesome man, (an understatement, I know). But Carra and Sir Alex have been solid figures in both their clubs and they're both (along with Scholes) are retiring, which marks a huge change in both clubs. Sure, players come and go, but Jamie Carragher came, and he stayed till the end of his career. Quite like Sir Alex. Legends, the both of them. Freaking awesome men. It will be very odd not to see his name on the team sheets next season. Thanks Carra. 

On to the Enterprise. I have made it explicitly clear that I want to watch the second Star Trek film solely because of Benedict Cumberbatch. I've seen part of the first one and I must say I do quite enjoy it. It's a cool franchise, one that I used to think as a Star Wars spin off (please nobody kill me). Now I am quite excited to see the rest of the film and of course the second one! I nearly cried in the first ten minutes of the film; who wouldn't really? The fact that he can laugh just seconds before his inevitable death-- made my heart shrink a little okay. Love Star Trek so far.

Obviously with all of this going on, econs would lose the battles. So it was The Enterprise over The Infaltion rate of country whatever and it was Carra over whatever topic I was trying to read. 

Regrets will be expressed in silent repressed agony in the exam hall. Goodnight all.xx

Days where I feel like my life is going nowhere

Hey internet! (Signature danisnotonfire opening line). This is my second day on the diet and I am feeling funny. Funny, because I'm managing. So, I feel fine, I'm still not compelled to exercise; don't know when I'll ever be. Yes, so I'm okay! I stuffed myself at lunch. But now, I have applied the same philosophy Dr. Sonya said to Lily when she was pregnant. So technically, I can eat between meals, only (this must be read in a Slavic-ish accent)

"Just a little bit" 

It is actually working! I am so happy! Diets really don't last long for me. Shorter than I care to admit. Right. Okay. I have just completed three A-Level papers and the next one is in three days. I have yet to do any studying because my future means so frickin much to me right now. I absolutely hate Econs. Yet I must ace it to get into university, which means a lot to me. Education is all I have. Literally. I have no other legitimate (admit it, fangirling and reading books and watching tv shows won't get me paid) form of fulfillment other than studying and knowing that I'm smart. Plus, the knowledge that someone somewhere has to hire me because they need me. And it's basically impossible to hire a dumb lawyer. I'm not dumb-ish, I'm of wonderful and witty above-average intelligence. (Yay for me!) *continues daydreaming till the day before exams* 

Not hungry, just bored.

I really just want to eat. And not exercise. And eat. I mean I am not totally unhealthy; I actually like fruits and vegetables... But to be deprived of the bad good stuff (i.e fries, meat, fish, bread, jam, peanut butter, cake-- it goes on) for TEN DAYS?? Where do I unsubscribe?

To make everything a little clearer, I am on a diet. A Korean man, has designed an organic replacement meal to have twice a day, (So, it's your breakfast and dinner, you can have whatever you want for lunch). You mix it with water and that's your meal. It's not awful tasting but it's not good tasting either. I guess for diet food, this is pretty okay. So, I started the dietary endeavour this morning and, the man on the box (the sachets come in boxes) said you wouldn't be hungry. And I wasn't. It does keep you full-ish, but then again, you don't only eat when you're hungry; you basically eat whenever you feel like it. So that's the actual challenge. Restraining yourself from eating. However to curb hunger pangs, you're allowed to eat raw or steamed fruits and vegetables. Nothing else. Nothing. Okay. I can do this. Sure I can. It's just self-control. 

The fact that everyone else is eating whenever and whatever they want is a little agonising. I plan to avoid all contact with people and study economics. And watch movies, tv shows and read books till I'm tired. This is going to last ten days. Nine more to go. And the fact that my grandmother is coming over just makes it worse. She loves to cook, moreover, she loves cooking for us. I do hope she understands these dietary stuff. It's all right really. There are ALWAYS leftovers. I'll make sure of it. 

I'm taking it simply because I cannot afford to gain anymore weight and predominantly, being this unhealthy. I mean being unhealthy takes a toll on a whole bunch of different things. It's not just not having low self-esteem because you aren't able to buy clothes you want. Things like participating in rigorous physical activities is reduced and somewhat embarassing because you're the unfittest of the lot. (I was always keen on football, rock climbing, snorkelling, martial arts) Oh! and dancing! But not like how the people in clubs do it. Easily, almost all of them are intoxicated with overconfidence and ballsy-ness. They're just basically tottering about the dance floor exclaiming gibberish. I meant dancing as something that was more along the lines of tango or modern dance or even zumba. Basically dancing with sober people who can actually dance. I mean did do some of those things, but it was still difficult because of my weight and low energy level. It was truly sad to know I was too big (physically) for something. Now.... 

I've just started and hunger pangs don't really happen that often. As I've said, its boredom that really gets you. So, if one is bored one shall not stuff thy face. 

Fanning the Flames

Hello. So I'm on my way to my first A-Level exam. That's great. I feel like an unarmed soldier fighting in a war he doesn't understand but is determined to win, without the one-way protection of ammunition and armour. I honestly can't think how I might get the result I want. So far, my average score for the objective bit of the paper is 20 out of 30 which is pretty bad. I've been high strung all week, and I'm trying to relax in the car now. It's working I guess. I just need to make sure I am in a good state of mind when I sit for it. Strangely, I have always seen this day as so elusive and almost like something that might happen. Now, I still think of it as something that might happen. Great.Brilliant. *Pulls self together* I'll do okay. I'll do just fine.

Harry Potter, Mothers Day and Living Simply.

I do believe sometimes, I can be.... 'Expensive and costly' They are my mothers words precisely. But honestly, is there something totally catastrophic and disastrous about being 'expensive and costly' at times? I mean, I rarely go for expensive meals. They are only moderately expensive and they happen once or twice a month. In those moments that I do get to go out, why not be lavish about it? It's only once a month. And I admit, that we eat simply at home, and it's all fine. My mother claims to be a 'simple woman'-- ok fine she is I'm the one with expensive taste but whatever really we're all human. It's just that I think she's in denial sometimes. 

Getting to the Harry Potter bit. Aren't you at least a tiny bit sad (if you're a Potterhead you look forward the releases, only to see that there are no more films, and then you start wishing; with spells obviously, to be a child again) that there are no more screenings of Harry Potter films? That means no more of going to the cinema and buying a ticket to see the film, no more looking forward to seeing how they've decided to do the dragons-- oh it's just terrible. I sincerely hope they re-release it in 3D just so I can enjoy looking forward to watching a Harry Potter film. The Mothers Day bit is just there only because I thought it up on Mothers Day. Happy Mothers Day! On this day my mother refuses to buy a cake (we have no money to buy her anything, the money we get is also from her and my dad, so there's really no point) I asked her to buy a really nice cake and she said 'No, i don't need expensive things,' Well! Needless to say, I could never see eye to eye on that one. It's not like I randomly ask for expensive things! I earn them. By getting half-arsed results. No, not half arsed, I'm not that bad, academically. So, alright, she's making a cake for herself. I wanted to help, but she told me to study. Okay. I shall go do that. Byyyyeeee. 

Acting on the wisdomity of Gandalf

It's heeeeeeeereee. *table shakes and lights flicker and a single sheet of paper appears before me* 

Oh, would you look at that, it's my statement of entry to my AS examinations. *Runs to corner to hide* 

I have the first exam on the 13th and the last on the 4th of june. *Heaves* I am not looking forward to this. No one ever looks forward to their exams anyway. I really hope to get a scholarship, but I feel like I have given up on ever getting one because well; they're very hard to obtain. I'm not saying I'm too dumb, I just I'm not smart enough. Which is no soother either. Ach. I hate this. I almost always never do well for economics. I hate it, so thats's half the battle lost. Okay I am going to study. There's this quote from LOTR where Ian McKellen says to Frodo : "..... All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us"

So I use the little time left to study and be the bestest student ever. Three cheers for Gandalf the Grey. 

Falling Off

So the path of obtaining a scholarship from a university has suddenly seemed more unlikely. I was online yesterday and the fees for a year at university are about 13,000 per annum. Even with a scholarship worth 2,000 pounds per year I'd still need to cough up 11,000 pounds, roughly 55,000 MYR. GREAT. Getting a loan will only render me knee deep in debt and interest when I'm 'fresh' out of university. Really not good. The other thing is how hard and so difficult they are to get. There are about 50 scholarships per university [I'm only guessing really, the university of glasgow has 30] and they are to be given to the students with the most impressive academic qualifications and I constantly fear that whatever result I get; it will not suffice for a scholarship. It's honestly rather heartbreaking, and I want to give up and just get all C's or whatever and enrol in this local university where the requirements are like 2E's. I might as well not stress myself. My life will never be happy until I get to live out the ideal I have endlessly pictured and perfected in my head. It's unhealthy but there isn't much to marvel at reality. I suppose that must've sounded bad of me. I suddenly feel like Blanche DuBois [from Streetcar Named Desire; if you didn't know]. But even she's got some sort of interesting reality but I guess she can't really see that. Life has been rather boring lately, with all the studying for a place I'm probably never get or be able to afford. Though my French class last week was rather uplifting and it made me quite happy and I felt so light [emotionally]. When I got to the car, I felt uplifted, like my mouth could not frown even if just to demonstrate because I was so content and just so happy. I often think of going to university in Paris for it is cheaper but I will not be able to study law. Which is rather sad, I was quite set on becoming someone in the legal profession. Though I feel the dream slowly diminishing; probably because I won't get my full 3 years and that pure college experience. It's just a little heartbreaking and bloody annoying. I don't know what else to do. Definitely not economics. It literally gives me brain-ache and heartache. It's far too depressing for me and I couldn't care less for it really. It's not my intellectual inclination. Literature on the other hand, is so enjoyable and fun [at times]. However a degree in English Literature would get me where?? [No offence to the people with English Literature degrees, but honestly; what are you doing with your lives-- I mean careers] I don't really want to be a teacher, [yet, I come from a long line of educators so I might as well entertain the possibility] I was quite happy with a career in law. But now, I seem less happy and sure about it. Sometimes I like to think that I am capable of getting my scholarship and that I'll be able to afford my place in university and for a while, I am quite happy and hopeful. But then it dissipates and I'm left with what things actually are and it's always disappointing. People often say that money can't buy happiness. Well you know what, these people are usually the ones with money. Happiness isn't always what people are after. A university education is a necessity. Food is necessary [I'm not going hungry by the way] I'm just saying, for those who say 'money can't buy happiness' I'd like your wealth for a week and we'll see if you're happy by the end of the week. Another thing is that MTV's Awkward is on it's third season and I'd really like to watch it. It was the reason I re-started my blog anyway but I have A-Levels. Though I watched LOTR for the first time just now and I can say it is ABSOLUTELY EPIC. Waiting till my exams are over to watch the other two; and a whole load of other films. And to read all the books I have bought. Oh the excitement! And possibly read the Jane Austen novel I'm meant to study for A2. That will be....interesting? Shall I say interesting? Haha. I'm trying to look towards things in a positive light and slightly more optimistic. But that is so hard to do when you are naturally so sarcastic and pessimistic and live in your head. Try I will and success I look forward to.

*Have I Told You Lately*

Dearest all who read. I love you. [I suspect you don't exist but at least I won't get a non lovely reply] I really have been...not so busy and just really horrible with documenting my thoughts and feelings. As you probably know I can only do that when I have something on my mind or a really horrid feeling going on my heart [I suspect it's a emotional heart problem not one involving my really shitty health] agh well. It's heavily unlikely that I am healthy person [heavily was supposed to be a joked aimed at me by me you may laugh now] Right now, I've got a quite a lot on my plate and I hope you enjoy reading about other peoples' stuff. Okay. Right. I'm always very sad when I think about things [or people] I can't have. It's sad because i love them- yet they will never know-- worse is when I'll never get the chance to show it. I love dogs; their simultaneous yet contradicting characteristic of being really vicious and really cute at the same time is a real killer for my dog-related feels [hyphens don't make sense to me yet, ironically, it 'made sense' to put one here] right okay haha moving on.... Dogs. Yes, dogs. They are so great. Love dogs. But I can't have them, [I'm a Muslim, for those of you who wonder why I can't have dogs] I really do love them, and think I am capable of taking care of them. But alas, I am not allowed to. It's all right really, I can always pretend I'm cuddling one. A GREAT BIG GERMAN SHEPHERD IS WHAT I LIKE. Ah well. So thats the tip of the problem covered iceberg which did not sink the titanic [as people quickly relate 'iceberg' to the image of the titanic sinking and possibly jack and rose; I felt the need to make my iceberg really special] I could go on all day on how I love dogs and other pets [I'm not allowed to have any, really. Thats an issue I currently debate with my parents on] But I must stop, its an obsession and I must kill it. Put it to sleep. Euthanise. Okay thats enough. Haha. I feel the need to begin with a sound as I am very awkward and it almost seems like I need a reason for me to speak okay-- no. I have just started to begin driving around my neighbourhood after getting my probationary license for about 3 weeks or so. I've not used it much though I half-heartedly want to. I've got no reason to drive around mainly because my adventures in life are mainly conducted in my bedroom, on my laptop, severely investing my time on a tv series. Grrreeeat. Not much of a socialising being, me. Anyway so yeah thats it about my driving and the fact that my parents don't really trust me much with the car [or my life when I'm driving] Must say I don't really love it either. *Siiiiiigh* I've been at my A-Levels for quite some time now and as some of you may know the AS examinations are looming over us. I suspect I shall be academically defrocked as soon as I open the the paper to reveal a girl who is still reading the textbook hoping to understand things before it's too late. I'm rather terrified; which is quite normal and expected of most students. But honestly, I feel like it's not really coming. Its as though I have all the time in the world and I am intellectually capable of understanding everything in less than 3 weeks. It's a terrible illusion and I am in constant fear that I don't do well because of my rosy view on things like these. I think quite a lot about the probable future and it's honestly that bad that I do, it's just that I do it in excess and I suspect it's doing no good to my education. I want to go to the UK with [hopefully] the aid of a university scholarship. I need at least 3 A's [Straight A's in my case] to even think; about applying to any university. It saddens me quite a lot that if I don't get the scholarship; I might not be able to go to university in the UK. Well there are twinning programs but they're not exactly the real deal are they? So I aim to be better everyday and I aim to follow the first aim. Better in every sense of the word. Healthier, Nicer, less pissy about everything and more importantly hardworking. Haaaaah. It all seems to be so achievable. Hmm. We'll only find out when i try all of those things soon and with a whole understanding of my dreams.

The underdemiciated, the mizzundastood and how they both make up my shitty arsefaced situation

Alright, I'm no innocent little angel of a daughter. No one is (silently suffering, if they do exist) I've only known a few and they're the ones who don't talk (not mute, just too bloody obedient and subservient to ever say anything) not that they've been oppressed (I'll just never know really) but if that is the kind of daughter my parents would sell the car for, then fine. I'll shut up and listen to you, as if you're always right. Nobody ever is. Yet, you do not admit your mistakes, you just say 'it didn't work out as I thought it would' well goody-- that just solves everything. Honestly. I'm just stumped and confused and yes, Underdemiciated. This is from bedtime stories (the one with Adam sandler and Russell brand; he's got sleep panic disorder there) and its not a real word. I just felt like saying it. I do loads of things to help out, and nobody seems to see or even thank me. The second I don't, is the second I get nagged at. Brrrrilliant. When my other siblings walk away from chores, they get nothing. what the f*#%. This is just one of the many reason I want to be away.
Our house is tiny. 4 rooms, 7 people. Our housekeeper has one to herself. One's my parents and the other two are shared between my sisters and I. Right, so sharing is all about being considerate right? Especially if its personal space. I am a neat person (most of the time) and I tend to have OCD spells, where I go insane and start cleaning up. My sisters are lazy, messy and just plain slobs. I pick up the slack. Not fair; not even one bit. One has strong hoarder signs. Well, I tell them (parents) to install more shelves so we have more space. I need shelves to be lowered as well because I am a human hobbit for Gods sake not because I'm bloody expensive and I can't bloody improvise with life's bloody challenges. My dad is alright with this, but no it's mummy dearest. 'You only know how to spend money, you're so demanding, you're so whiny, you're never satisfied with anything we give you' and I sorely wanted to reply, 'yeah you gave me life and I'm not too happy about it and I'm sure neither are you so I'll gladly f*** the hell off of your lives. So, as result, I am made into a ball of insecurities and things that don't belong to a person who tells people she's happy. Thinking of the less fortunate doesn't always make me feel better. It doesn't make my challenges disappear neither does it make theirs. So, am I supposed to feel sorry? Yes, I indeed do. Learning is a gift not many appreciate as a beneficial challenge at present. I hope people can learn and not be in wars and conflicts where people in nice chairs and rooms debate and fight while sipping nice coffee, while the uninvolved innocent people pay the price. So yeah. I try to boil it down to the bare facts and the core of the problem and solve it. But it's not always that systematic and automatic. You do stay angry for a few moments and eventually it dies and you can think again. I just want to be happy. Things don't seem to work out too often for me to think positively. *sighs* well. Night x

Nothing of severe importance

Hi everyone, sorry that I've not been having so many creative spells driven by emotion or a strong desire to express things so--- yeah. I've been trying to continue my fantasy story on a nymph and a boy I created when I was fourteen. Being the perfectionist, nothing seems right when it's not written in that 'mood'. So, it's a slow process, and I honestly hope it continues, it gives me a reason and a way to escape boring real life for something I can actually control and shape. It's coming along slowly, but really, I wouldn't have it any other way; okay; maybe to be a little more consistent. So that's happening, and I don't feel the need to touch on certain other things because I really feel the need to keep that to myself. I've recently discovered I am a boy repellent. Took me long enough. Right. Okay um enough of that-- I feel awkward in school there's no one to whom I can relate to culturally. Like music and movies and all. But we get along great on other stuff. So yeah I really miss my friends back in boarding school, wish I never left. But life doesn't really give a lot to those who are pessimistic and negative. So, I am trying to be a little more positive and hopefully I will see that I have been given a lot. Night all x love you safra

Of Venters and Ventees; Venting and ironically keeping it in and the fcking virtue that is fcking patience

Hello lads and lasses and whatever that's inbetween. I've decided to be more and more British with the intention of getting myself less and less attached to this country. I don't know how this endeavour may end up I might even get all bitchy and ignore all British slangs and go Americano and even a little francophone and straight up pissed off as shit. So bear with me online comrades. So venting should be accompanied with dramatic music simply because it'll actually help me temporarily escape this raging hell hole of a time I'm having. Perhaps it might just lift my spirits a little to know I was somewhere else for a moment. Being here; i.e. reality isn't so awesome. I'd rather be elsewhere and vent there and leave the venting over there and come back here with less things to stress and whine about. I've started thinking of writing more with whatever mood that's overpowering me at the moment and squeeze every bit of emotion and feel out of me till I'm dry with emotion. Oh how I wish it was all that easy. A ventee is really someone who (usually) loves you a real lot who's willingly taking the shit you're throwing at them. Yeah, those people exist and for me, they're my friends. My parents aren't ventees and would probably tell me I wasn't being very well behaved and above all very rude and immature. I've learnt to shy away completely from venting to them, I'm sure they love me but couldn't really care about the problem and especially the way I was venting would render them emotionally unattached followed by beginning to analyse everything and sometimes; yes it's my fault that I'm angry. But don't they think I might already know that? I always thought parents were really meant to support you and the truth was inapplicable if you were at fault. Mine don't see it that way all the time. Well, I've learnt to keep it in around my family members, we're quite uptight. British influenced upbringing I'm afraid, plus with the traditional Malay rules on parent- child relationships our rights to liberal speech has been rendered to 'no talking back, no explanations, no retorts and sit politely and do as I say' so basically, no saying 'no' without valid reason, whatever that may be. Now, of course, I don't exactly abide by these rules on how to behave. And that is why I get it for not keeping it in and letting my insides burn with my own anger. So, now I just shut up and wait till I see my friends or my blog or just blast every song with guitar riffs as loudly as I can, to make it a technically silent protest. Nothing is being said by me, but it's through song. Through beautiful riffs and wonderful rhymes of angsty teenage spirit, accompanied by a slew of profanities. Lovely. So basically, I don't know how or why I said turning British would help, but I would like to say sorry I didn't throw much profanities around. Really trying to manage the crap I'm being thrown with. It's all just too fucking much sometimes and I want to curse everything and really just run away far. But alas, I lack the funding. Sucks for all of us escapists. Most of my ventees are far away and I can't hug them or be near them or cry to them. Sometimes, people without prior knowledge of you might be the most fair judges. I used to have that and then she moved away. Sad. I don't like crying, I'm sure no one does, but I suppose you can't write it all out. Some are just best cried out and not remembered in writing. I've started (once more) with an old writing project of mine and kind of giving it my all this time. With any luck and actual talent I think and hope I possess I'll get somewhere and get enough funding for my desired and ideal education. So technically we're all a little bit of each. Ventees, venters, and sometimes, we do keep it in. All I can say now is I want to be near my ventees and away from whenever I am now. Not really comfortable admitting where I'm getting all these angst. So whatever then bye bye all x

My Current Obssession : The Last Shadow Puppets

Right, so basically I've been intensely in love with this band and their work for the past few days and there are so many valid reasons for it. To elaborate on them would take me ages. May the force be with me then. So it's basically Miles Kane's awesome sound and Alex Turner's genius lyrics. I loved them both separately before I had heard about the last shadow puppets, and I'm not sure how I found out, but I was pretty excited when I did. The first song I heard was probably 'Meeting Place' and I absolutely loved it. I listened to a couple of others and didn't like them as much. But I absolutely loved meeting place. Loved loved loved it. The other songs grew on me when I listened to them again and I nearly have their whole album (The Age of the Understatemnt) plus a few covers of songs I now love. I've basically been listening to their songs and the combination of their musical talent. They're absolutely rocking and I've learnt to adopt a Sheffield accent for the foon of it. I really like them and sue me for using them as a benchmark for someone's music taste and basically what I think of them. Mean and horrible I know, but I've never really been discriminative of someone's music taste. If I do even discriminate; its silently; handling it like a fucking lady. I really just love them and strangely it got me thinking of actually learning the guitar to write songs, I mean have had some half-hearted attempts but I really never gave it my all. I never thought of being a musician, I mean the fantasies of being a rockstar are slightly abundant but never really amounting to something more as a passing daydream. Now, it's really just the thought of maybe me actually making music. Well, it's a silent dream. The guitar playing is not, I certainly like to learn and write songs it would be really therapeutic and honestly, meeting a kindred musical soulmate would be a dream and to play music together! Oh well. I'm focusing on law and you know dreams somehow always need some funding. I'll put that aside for now. Right now, I'll just admire and adore and live by the last shadow puppets songs and hope for their quick comeback and more songs because I love them and honestly 5 years is too long. They've basically left me hanging. I'm waiting milex. That's it for now, I'm frequenting my bloody blog now with more tasty nuggets of informations and vaguely interesting snippets from my otherwise mild and mediocre life. It's only sometimes interesting. Well, I'd like to think blogging about ones life is a sign that one is slightly passionate about it. Cheers all. Oh and um and I've re-installed my twitter yes I'm just that hopeless but I've been spending less and less time there, honestly. You should check them out, anything I say about them, isn't enough to describe how awesome they really are. So bye bye all x

Little Things That Made Today More or Less Eventful by Some Standards

Today didn't begin as I wanted it too, which is another way of me saying, I didn't want it to begin at about 6 in the morning. An eventful day in the public transportation area, there was a demonstration on how to put on a life jacket and then they asked for volunteers. VOLUNTEERS. IN THE MORNING. Leave us be! And it felt a little like high school (middle school if I was a little more peeved) there were no volunteers and he said he would pull us out from the crowd if none of us showed up. Weird, right?*heavy sarcasm* yeah anyway BIM BAM BOOM it was over and I got off the ferry. And I forgot to mention the very cute guy on the ferry. He was Caucasian which made me wonder what he was doing studying here on the mainland oh well forget his irrelevant backstory, I don't think I care; oh but he was good looking. Right, as I proceed to the bus (I know where it is now 😌) and there's a really long line. Boohoo. And then this student came up to me and asked if was headed to KDU and I said yeah 'you take this bus' and I put my headphones back on. I did smile and say it politely :) and blabla bus was really full. Me and the dude didn't talk much although I had fantasised a budding friendship. Well whatever, the bus was full and I was holding on for dear life, on the hangy things on the ceilings, kept tottering and shaking as the bus moved and brushed against some people; normal stuff but slightly foreign to me. So; new experiences! Brilliant. And then we got off the bus and he said thank you which was nice of him. And then I walked to school and as I walk, I forget to bring my student registering form. I lied and said I lost it. In reality it was sitting on my table. And I refused to use my locker. Even though I brought the lock and key i had forgotten the day before. The day got a little shittier, I forgot to bring my econs manual. Thankfully this wasn't high school or middle school so I got off easy. And discovered econs is a real tough nut to crack. And I kept thinking of Miles Kane and Alex Turner. That was temporarily deviating, but honestly, I love their music. And them 😍. So afterwards class ended and we had loads of homework. Great. I walked to the bus stop and said hi to the girl I go to French class with. Brief but sufficient to keep our copain-hood cool and alive I guess. I still like her, really great girl. (Again, not a lady fancier). And then the trip back was normal, had a girl tell me where to go (I didn't know which bus stop) and then the waiting area at the ferry was abundant with white people and their sunburnt skin and bodybag like backpacks. Apart from our Malaysian community, it was odd to see so many of them. Ah well. That was not really eventful, just odd. My mother picked me up, and while waiting for her I kept singing to myself suck it and see by the arctic monkeys. Really love them. 5-10 minutes later we go wait for my sister and we go to lunch. Happiness but my tandoori chicken smelt odd so that was unfortunate I really like tandoori. Later on when I got home I must've dozed off and taken it easy and I eventually started my intellectual battle with econs. I felt dead after about almost 30 questions. Really, I was completely worn out. I hadn't even showered, had the idea I was going to run (never happened) so I dozed off again, half dead. Woke to my sister yapping away. The rest of the night was a bore, then I went on YouTube for some more music (miles kane and Alex turner videos) and then I decided sometimes my Friends didn't take my music suggestions seriously. Didn't take seriously but I let it go. Oh and I wrote a poem-ish thing on my struggles with econ. Very Taylor swift-y. Done under 5 minutes. Hah, okay. And I found out twitter was getting the better of me so I deleted the app from my phone which would make me have to log in on the net to tweet. Would help me a lot in expecting replies and whatnot. It was attention seeking, and that's not really me. So I thought, 'hey! I need to focus and people don't care all the time so screw it twitter!' Gone, just like that. I'll miss seeing Niall tweet though. Only thing (one of many) I'd most likely miss. But things have to be done and I'm quite happy and it'll give me more time for econs and law and writing. Things I love, you know. They're therapeutic. (save econ for now) hone my writing skills thanks to an old high school buddy. She's a great writer. Like me. So we're like exchanging stories now, and I promised her I would. I think that's what I needed, someone who is actually interested. An audience. Wow performers complex much. Oh well, that concludes my little things that made today slightly eventful. Goodnight all and have a wonderful day and make good decisions and I love you silly cat and cactus lover of a best friend (my only follower). I'm being more consistent; not that anyone cares. Haha. Alright bye everyone x