It's the end of the year-- and I want to end it with a post

Hello everyone, (this might just be two very special people but whatever really) I know it seems like I've been dead for the past month or so? But hurrah, I am not! I've just been lazy and not so productive and cheerful about my life. Well there are updates, I read a lot more, which I am quite happy about, I hear less of my mother when I read and I can ignore everyone else which is quite a ball. If you don't know, I'm short, and yes on the (very) slight chubby side. <-- what you saw there was, yes; denial. Another one of my problems. And my hair is really shit, it's dry and fine and it might as well be burnt hay. So. Naturally I'm insecure-BUT! I know exactly what for. I look like a potato in dowdy clothes, because you know stores don't make clothes for potatoes, only logic you see. However if they do, (Some stores do) it's hideous blouses that do not seem attractive to anyone. I wonder if they actually put effort in designing these clothes, or they don't because simply we (chubbies) can't really be on the picky side. My mother always says when we're picking which colourful potato sack to buy, 'beggars can't be choosers' I wonder why we are beggars. Should we be beggars because people choose to not make clothes for us? In the too unbelievably obvious truth, most women are not what the ads and runways are and certainly they don't fit in the clothings. I know, people come in all different shapes and sizes, but they seem to stop at size 16 in most countries or at least Malaysia. It's really saddening at times when especially during when my dad is in a spending mood and we're at an outlet and I can't fit into any of the clothes because they don't make them in my size. Really. You don't know how sad and severely dissapointing it is. It hurts you and it crushes you. Well, enough of that. There's always making an effort, I'm starting now, (sort of) I am to play squash, every other day of the week, on the day that I do not, I shall run. Yes. Excellent plan. And my diet, I'll just try to eat in moderation I suppose and while I do that I shall exercise my mental strength to tune out my mother and all her 'comments' she has got to know limits, I know in Islam it's really bad to ignore your mother but still what she says hurts my feelings. Why should I sit and listen to something hurtful from my mother. Not that she's been good at sugar coating; she's never done it, she's has hardly said something nice about me or on something that I've done, for me. Like my acting (in school plays) she used to not give a damn at all, and hoped it was just a phase that I was going through. I've sort of given up on the idea of ever becoming an actor. Unless they offer roles for hijabed women and then maybe we can talk. I don't wear a hijab but I intend to. Quite soon. I've just been quite wishy washy about it. But anyways, I'm fat and I have no new clothes for a school that doesn't require uniforms. (Isn't there a word for it? Well, I don't know what it is. Do tell me, person/people who actually read(s) my blog xx.) we've bought material because I've given up on society and its making potato sacks for fat people. I'm quite happy, and I'm thinking of sewing my own clothes. It'll be good for me. I won't really be dissapointed because I'll be designing them! Of course with a few 'comments' from my mother and we'll be done. It's really unfair sometimes and I have this dream of opening or starting a fashion line for all shapes and sizes or you could custom make your garment so it fits perfectly. Brilliant, right? I know. Well, I'll need to learn how to sew now. Which I am getting keener and keener on doing. Wish me luck on my endeavours and A levels and socialising (oh good god socialising...) and making new friends and surviving stares and glances of me in potato sacks. I love you all xx (Kainene Safra! My only follower) and all of you who glance by my blog. You're much appreciated :) x bye bye now!